Die(t) Hard 2

Whats that you say? Havent heard from me in a couple a days? Well I been on that diet I was telling you about. And its going pretty good so far. I'm down a pound ana half or so. And while it aint too hard it also aint too easy. See in my line a work, you kinda get used to grabbin what you can WHEN you can and chowin down in some iffy places.

Things were a lot easier when I was married. At least the first 2 times. I was alot stabler. Back then I was just a regular flatfoot doin my job, workin my shift and getting home to the wife. I'd ate a lot better then because I was young and in love but things change as you get older and they dont get much better onces you start wroking as a dick.

Anyway this diet I'm on is basiacally a countin caloriey diet. Im tryin real hard to do it right this time. Keepin my cals at about 1600 and the fat under 40 grams. I tell ya it shte nights thats the hardest.When everything is quiety and no ones around. You get alittle bored. A little lonesom. A little hungry. I start cravin EVERYTHIGN at that point. I know I should just go to bed but I'm up. So I try an ddrink a glass of water to sashiate my hunger. Problem is I gotta wake up and pee in the middle o f the night thatnks to that oh so satisfying glass of h2OH.

Man I wish I were skinny. Like Johnny boy. He dont eat nothin but junk and drink nothin but pepsis and milk. Sometimes Yoohoo. But thats about it. And that boy loves White Castles. Then again so do I. man do I love em. I really really really love em. Ir eally really do....

Crap. Now I gotta go drink a glass a water....

Stupid diet.

--Gristle out

DIE(t) HARD

So I made up my mind today to go on a adiet. Spring is here and I realize that I aint getting any younger. Well I didnt JUST realize it but ya know what I mean. Im just not feeling good about myself lately. How can I. I'm seriously about 50 pounds over weight. I'm not even 50 yet and I'm build almost like a retiree. That aint good for someone whos gotta chase after ciminals ona daily basis. Just last month I had to run down this guy whose been peepin in windows. I knocekd on his door for questioning becaus ewe got an anonymus call that he might be the tom. Well I'm in there not five minutes when he jsut suddenly bolts out the back window of his brownstone. So I started to give chase but I got my ass caught up in the window frame. I wasn't stuck or anyything it was just a little tight. I'm not as flexible as I used to be. Anyway when I squeezed thrrough finally I realizedthere was no way hades that I was gonna catche the perp. And I was winded just getting through one window. Truth be told, I get winded just tying my shoes sometimes, especaiilly if its the day after I ate a big meal.

Thats why I'm glad I have John for a partner. He may not have much goin for him upstairs but he's as fast a s freakin cheetah. Anytime we're in pursuit of some lowlife, nine times outta 10 Johnnie will run em down. He's THAT fast! Hes just amazing. I' mean youd expect that from some top notch athlete ins perfect shape but Johnnie dont' even eat 2 healthy squares a day. Some of his meals consist of only beef jerky and sunflower seeds.! Although he does drink a lot of milk, but it's all HOLE milk.

Go figure. Some people got it and some don't. Like me. i don't . I never had it exceppt for when I was in the academy. You had to be in tip top shape to make it through that. But my whole life I was always kinda big-boned. You know husky. I was born 9 and a half pounds. Not that thats a excuse for being in the shape I'm in now but theres some sorta history there. Right?

So that s why I'm startin my diet. I dont' know how I'll do. Im not lke the glamorus salad eating bottled water drinkin kinda cops you see on tv with there fansy ray ban sunglasses and silk shirts.. Im the kinda cop who wears cordoroy, likes a good steak and a cold beer and who has to wear contact lenses that correct for a stigmatism.

Anyway ... I gotta try to diet. Even if it kills me.

Funny how you cant spell diet without die in it.

--Gristle out

Stake and Potatoes

I dont have time to write much or antything much to say for that matter. I gotta pull an all niter tonight. A stake out with Johnny boy. Im sure you've seen stakeouts on t.v. and they look pretty exceiting at times but theyre not. theyre really boring. Its jsut you and your partner sitting by a window with with a telescope or binoclars with the shades prettty much closed. its depressing is what it is. I cant tell you who Im staking out just in case one of my readers is who I'm staking out. Are you?

Could be. After all Im noticing a bit of traffic on this blog here. I dont know who or why anoyone would come except for maybe some punk Im after trying to get a leg up on ol Terry Gristle. But maybe I'm just beign paranoid. 23 years on the force will get ya that way. Specially when you do deep cover asa much as Slender and me do. Who can ya trust?

Anyway if any one of you people readin this blog is the person I'm stalkin, then Ill figure it out. Ill try and get my sirvailliance equipment on your computer and see if your on my blog.

Alrite. I gott a go pick up John at the laundromat. Hes out of quarters and the china man that runs the joint wont let him near the change machine because the last time Johnny wne to use it it stole his dollar and he went beserk on it. Pulled out his gun and shot the thing. Use the whole clip. Then he reloaded and did it again.

Thats one of the reasones I dont let Johnny have any bullets. Just dont tell the bad guys.

Oh crap. What if one of you is the bad guys. Well F. Y. I. : I gotta shitload bullets in my gun and I'm not afraid to use it. So dont' try anything funny.

Man Im' hungry. Maybe we'l hit the Sizzler on the way over.

--Gristle out

Botched Bloggery

Somebody was askin the other day when i was gonna do antoher video journal bloggy thing and I told em soon even though I dont' knwo why anyone would care about what I have to say. AFter all I'm just a past his prime detective wrokin the beat in Nyc tryin to make a difference until I can go retire, collect me pension and soak my dogs in the warm waters of Coco Beach Florida. But we apparently live in theage of whine about everything to everr ONE so hear it is. Dont blame me its lousy.



Crap. The video wont load. Now I gotta get the guy who runs this blog to figur it out. Jimbo. Hes so darn busy makin those jimpervert comics and shirts lately that hes never around to help.

Look if your not enjoying these entrys (and why would yoube) then dont read em. No ones makin you visit this crummy thing .... unles .... someone IS makin ya. Are they? Can ya talk? Scratch your head if ya can. Oh wait I cant see you. Anyway if you CAN talk then ya gotta case. Unlawful imprisonment or somethign. Torture. I don't knwo all the facts yet but send me a mesage . In code. But nothin to complicated cause Im not current with the new strunk and white code book for cops. Plsu codes give me a migrayne.

Ya no what, dont send me code. Theyre a pain in the rump. In fact dont even contact ME. Call 911 like everybody else.

--Gristle out

Easy, Tiger

In this next entry I'd like to talk a little about current events. Mainly thouse surronding Tiger Woods. Now I'm no fan of golf but I gotta tell you I don't understand why everyon is gtetting on Tiger's back and making him apologize. Now I'm not defending him. He cheated on his wife and he should pay. He should get kicked out of his hose and have to give her half of everything. Like me. although I've given all four of my ex wives half of what I got and that means less and less for each one as they go down the pike. Or is it pipe?

Anyway ... what Im tryin to say is that what happens between a guy and his gal is no bodys business but theres. SO what if he's a celebritty. He dam well shouldnt have to get on tv and apologize over and over again. America has a sick fasination with watching the misery of others. What do the germans call it? Sour krowd? Schizen Freud? Whatever. All those stupid talbloid shows and reality programs and gossip rags have turned this country to pot. Get a life America.

And dont go tryin to say he is a sex addict. The media and the marketers and the P.R. folk love to thwor their stars into some kinda clinic or rehab in order to fake makin the problem way out of their control because they gotta problem. Let me tell you, you make any man in this world famus and hav e gorgeous gals throw themselves at you all day, thta guys gonna cheat eventraully. You can say no one, two, three, maybe forty times, but at some point a fellas gonna crack. Now I aint ever cracked because I aint ever had no one throw themselves at me. Except for those on crack. But that don't count. Cracked out hoes will do anything for a their next hit.

What the heck was I sayin? What Im saying is this:
Tiger cheated and should lose half his crap.
The media should shut the hell up.
And everyone quote un quote RIVETED with this whole spectacle should get some class.

Sorry. i'm just really grumpy today. Woke up with a stiff neck again. accidently shot my pillow the other night in my sleep. I keep my gun under there and it sorta went off. No it wasnt a suicide attemtp. I bummed a little but not THAT bummed. Anyway...

--Gristle out

Old Dog? Meet New Tricks....

So my first video diary was a bust. I had my finger on the lens practically the whole time. Im sure a lot of you out there though ti was on purpose but it wasn't. Its kind of funny when you thinka bout it. sorta reno 911 ish. Yeah I watch that show. Its hilsrious. Especially the gay one in shorts. That Dangle guy. Alotta cops I know wouldnt'find that guy funny because they pretty homofobic not that Im in love with em either. While I don't liek the super fruits, I persoanlly think they should be allowed to to live the way they want to live. You know live and let live. I evn thnk they should be allowed to get married. Why not? Why shouldnt they be aloowed to be as miserable as me. Ha ha. But seriously folks, what harm is 2 guys getting married doing to the anyone else. Love is love. Nobody chooses who theyre gonna love. Believe me. Whos to say who should and cant get married. That a man HAS to marry a woman. I been married 4 times already to women and look wher its got me? Livin in a crappy studio apartment in Brooklyn sleepin in a Murphy bed I don't even bother puttin back up into the wall. If you ask me women and men go together about as well as ... well I don no. they jsut dont always fit. Emotionally that is. Physicaly. Thats another story.

My luck with women is nothin but bad luck. Maybe ol Terry Gristle outta consider a man the next time around. Ha ha. Er. Thats a joke. Don't let the boys on the force hear me sayin that. they'll neve rlet me live it down.And just for the record, I like women. Always hvae alwyas will.

--Gristle out

P.S. Good for you Ricky Martin. Now go live your life la vidda loca. But not to loca otherwise I gotta lock ya up....

From Russia with Blood

So they had these bombings in Moscow this mronin on theirr subway system. Theres at least 35 people dead or or so and about a hundred hurt. Its terrible. So NYC is stepping up security on subway system and their pullin me out of deep cover for now to help out . I'll be doing some undercover work in the bowels of Manhatan keepin all you people safe from all those no good terrorists who want to see America fall. Seriuosly I dont understand it. Why do they hate us? Do they think we go it all and they're jealous? If thats the case they should stop by ol Terry Gristles place because I defanately dont got it all. My ex-wives did! Ha ha. Ouch. Thatas actually not that funny.

Anyways, if youre in New York and you happen to see mne down there in the tunnels or on theplatform doin my thing. Dont say anything. I dont' need some weird obsessive fan blwoin my cover. Plus if you act all weird I might have to bust you for suspision of somethin. I would of course hav eto make up somethin after I give you a beatdown and cuff ya. And I hate to do that to a fan.

--TG out

My First Video Diary

Ya know its hard enogh writing crap for this blog now the jimbo guy want s me to do some MTV style viedeo garbage...

Wrong side of the bed

Slept in my car last night. Didnt have a choice. I was tailin this dame who supposeddely knew the wereabouts of a mid level dealer Ive been chasin for about 2 years. This dealer knows the brother of another higher up dealer who iced a cop about 5 years earlier. Anyway, the guy wasn't there and the broad gave me the slip. At least I think she did. Like I said I slept in my car last night. What can I say, Im bruning the candle on both ends lving theis double life in deep cover. I'm like batman only not rich. Not cool. Not thin. And not really kick ass. But you know, crime doesn't sleep. Unfortunately for justice, ol' Terry Gristle does.

Anywya, I kinda passed out after 4 hours of this broad and her scumbag dealer bein no shows. You d think that after 5 coffees I wouldn't be able to close my eyes but I been drinkin coffee regularly since I was 7. Don't juddge my parents though, they were real workin class people. My dad worked 2 jobs and my mom did laundry, and looked after neighborhood kids to help put food on the talble. A cup of joe was what we had so a cup of joe was what we got. That and maybe the end off a loaf of italian bread. Nowadays i usually down nearly a pot o mud and a 3 pieces of dry toast before I hit the head for a half hour each mornin. Hey I never claimed to be no Charlie Atlas.

Anyway, I'm a little groggy is all and now I gotta stiffneck from sleepin against the arm reast. And to tell the truth ... between you and me? I think I may hve peed my drawers a bit in my sleep. I don't know. i mean I'm dry and all but I got my ssuspicions....

—Gristle out

The guy who runs this blog is hockin his wares...

Yeh that Jimbo guy who I sign into this blog uder sometimes has been back to workin on his comic strip Jimpervert. Seriuosly it should be called that because he draws a lot of obsene crap if you ask me. Plus two of characters seem like theyre gay. NOT that there's anything wrong with it. Ha ha. Love that episode of Seinfeld. I know, youwouldnt peg me for a Seinfeld fan but I am. I fell in love with tath show during the reruns. Not when it was on origianlly because I always watchhed Home IMprovement with Tim Allen-- a hilrious guy who was once busted for selling and using cocaine. See I believe in rehabiliatation for shome criminals. Just not all. And thank god for that otherwise we wouldnt have Tool Time and that foxy Pammy Anderson. Or if you ask the Jimbo guy, Debbie Dunning (the tool time girl who came after Pammy). He thinks shes even hotter.


Anyways Jimbo opened a store on the internet here and is selling t shirts and crap. Even I gotta admit tthey look pretty good.



Now I'm no art critic but I gotta say he's a good drawer. And some of his stuff is funny. Even if it insults my good moral upbringin. Anyway, here's the link to his "store" if you re interesetted: JIMPERVERT'S HOUSE OF CRAP

Am I being followed?

Just after my last post 2 people started followin this here blog. I wonder what they're up to. I cant help but be suspisious since I just got done writin about how I cant trust anyone bein as deep under cover as I am. Some Wong guy and some sunshine girl. Come to think of it, this Wong character may not be a guy at all. For all I no he could be some con I put away's wife or soemthin.

Crap. I gotta get out of this job. You think you got it tough doin what youre doin? Try stickin your neck out each day for a bunch of people who don't even know it. Maybe its time for ol Terry Gristle to hang it up. Maybe I outta retire and get a little place in the country. Some place quiet. Some palce safe.

Aw nuts. What would happen to Johnnie? He'd be lost without me. Poor kid can barely blow his own nose without me. He s got no friends. He's gotten into a fist fight with almost every one in the department. Even the Captain! Heck he even got inna fight with me a couple of times. Good thing for me that he misses every punch because he gets so pissed and can't control himself. Unlike my youngest kid. I tell ya that ones a one helluva scrapper. You would hardley believe she came in 2nd at the local Little Miss Cupcake.

O.K. Gott a go. I'll be keepin my eye on these new "followers" to make sure they ain't follwin me around for real.


Crap. Maybe theyr'e Internal Affairs? Maybe they found out the Wii that Johannie Boy got me might not of been on the up and up.

Jeez, will ya get a load a me? I'm actin totally paranoid.

--Gristle out

Nice weather we been havin

The problem with the nice weather when your under cover is that all the crimianls still wanna stay inside and plot and crap. Its days like lately that I sometimes miss beiing a regular cop walkin the beat. Gettin some fresh air. knowin who your enemies are. When your as deep undercove as I am you cant trust anyone. Not even the cops cause they could be either tryin' to take me down thinkin i really am a scumbag or otherwise they may be crooked all the way. But hey I shouldnt be complaning, the weather is warm and the sun is ou—

Crap. Clouds just rolled in.




—Gristle out

Slender & Gristle are deep cover

Me and Johnny are busy doing deep cover right now. I know, right. We been in deep for about a year now and I cant go too much into detail but lets just say that where we are at you dont wanna be. Some a the things I done to keep my cover I woudlnt wish on my worse enemy. Okay maybe I would. But lets just say a lot of it has been pretty depraved.

Worst of all, I hadda eat sushi. Ugh!

Johnnies no better. Poor guy hadda work as a shot boy at a gay rodeo bar. I wonder how many times he was asked if he could push in their stool... Ha ha. I no that joke aint PC but itsa classic.

Anyway I wasnt gonna write but I go access to a remote computer system (yeah i'm high-tech now) and I though i would sign in. I'm hopin this undercover operattion will be over soon so I can get back to my crappy life lvin alone and lookin for love in all the wrong places.

I'm sure my ex wives are interested in seein my sorrry ass lookin miserable again. And my kids? Well I know their not missin their old dad any. Boy I'd like to know who I screwed over in a prvious life.

—Gristle ou

An April Fool

So thngs with Sandy haven't progressed as well as I like. We went out a bunch a times but ... well ... let'sjjst say things didn't go as good as I thought. Her daughter was given her problems and then her ex came back into the pictur. Turns out I know the guy. I worked homicide with him for a few months when I was rook dick. He was nice a nuff then. Oscar's his name.

Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it any more. The guy who runs this blog by the way has been busy drawing his other blog and is about to beceome one of them writers for Examiner.com. From what he says they don't get paid much but it'll up his profile and get him some more bloggin experience. So more power to him. Havne't heard much ont he Slender & Gristle movie lately. I think the talks have stalled.

Johnny and I are doin well togeher. Crackin' a few skulls and solvin crimes as usual. Hopefully we're makin a difference.

You may have noticed that my typin is getting a lot better. I been workin on it.

By the dway. I think my have a kidney stone developin. We'll see.

Gristle out.

Tough Times for Some

t's times like these that I am thankful to have a good woman at my side. You see things with Sandy and me have been goin real good for the last few weeks. We been out on more than a dozen dates and it seems things are getting kind of serious. We went back to the Sizzler and had antoher top notch meal. God I love their entres. I mean it's no Ponderosa or Beef Steak Charlies, but ths Sizzler is definitely the tops in my book. And their prices are affordabel which is important with this economy. That brings me to the guy running this thing. His name is Jim. He's been out of work for a while and he's starting to get stressed. Now being divorced as many times as me, an havin to pay all those alimonys on a cop's salary, means I know a thing or two about stress. Throw in 5 kids who hate ya and you know I knwo a lot more than most. Any way, the tell tale signs are there for a guy reaching his limit. This Jim guy is easily ajitated lately. He fijgets a lot. An he hasnt shaved in over a month which means he's given up on his appearance. Hopefully he won't crack like I seen hundreds of guys in his shoes do. But even I gotta admit that the situation doesnt look too good. Jobs are more scarce than witnesses at a ghetto shooting. Its bad when college writing guys like Jimmy here are losin hope.

I know he's got it in him to do great things, I mean if he can help a guy like me with myu feelins than he should be able to help himslef. Right? Anyway...say a little prayer for my buddy Jim here. He's a good guy with a good heart and a wife and kid to feed.

Talk to you soon.

Yours truly, a more positive Terry Gristle

Valentine Day

In case anybody cares, I had a date on Saturday. With a gal from payroll. her name is Sandy. REal nice lady. Divorced with one kid. A daughter. Teenager. All thhese years collectin my check from her, I never did think she noticed me, but I guess that Wee that Johnnie got me is workin because she actually asked me out!. I mean I was feelin pretty good lately what with bein able to touch my shins without breakin a sweat but I didn't think anyone else was noticin.

Anyway we had a nice time at the Sizzler. I tell ya ya can't go wrong at the Sizzler. Everything they make is the tops. What can I say, Ilove my steak and potaotos.

I think Sandy had a good time too. We are gonna do it again soon, just as soon as I'm done with my current stake out. Woa. Stake out and Steak out?!? Maybe things are lookin up for ol' Terry Gristle after all.

Gristle is back.... 2009

Sorry I havn't been around. Its not my fault really. The guy who runs this show has been beusy with his cartoon. Jimpervert or something like that. I can't complain cause I don't like writing this blob thing as it is but he says its good for promotion of Slender and me. So how was my new year? So far just like every other year only this time Johnnie Boy got me a Wee for the holidays. He didn't give it to me until after January thogh. It's pretty nifty. But I don' think he got it on the up and up. When i asked him about it, he just said to not worry. I'm not one to judge, we gumshoes get things from time to time. I just hope Johnnie didn't do something hes gonna regret. I worry because he use to watch that show THE SHIELD all the time. Not when it was on live because he only gets like 3 and a halve chanels. But on Dvd which I buy him every year for Christmas. Jeez. I don't even get my exes any gifts. Screw em. They got everything else.

Anyway this Wee thingamabob has got me a little more mobility lately. Thanks to all those sports and exersise games I can almost reach the middle of my back. Soon there will b no more rubbin up against the corner of a wall to scatch an itch for ol' Terry Gristle! Happy New Year indeed.

Are You There God? It's Me Terry.

I got da blues bad. I get em every holiday season. What can I tell ya? It ain't easy bein divorced—4 times! Its the sorta thing that takes its toll on ya. Anyway the guy that runs this site said that I should talk about my feelins seein as it might help me shake em out and I guess I can understand that. I got no one really to talk to. Johnny aint much to bounce feelins offa. Usually he just gets more ajitated than normal. So I keep em all bottled up and maybe that';s why I have so many heart attacks. I can take a lotta pain. Its my ticker that ain't so hot.

Anyway, New Years is just around the corner and me and Johnny gotta work. We got this gay cowboy case that started in Chelsea and took us all the way up to Westchester County. Let me tell ya, Westchester may sound like some quiet, wrangling land but it sure as heck aint. Well we got to put that on hold for New Yrears Eve and help work crowd detail. Boy that gets my goat. I hate crowds (so why am I in NY right?) and I hate detail. And Details magazine for that matter. All those metro sexual fancy boys and their expensive gadgets. Reminds me of Tiny and Guy. Those two knuckle heads.

All right. I'm done here. I feel better actually. I guess you were right guy. I gotta hit the head anway.

Gristle out.

Gristle here.

So I'm back with antoher installment. The guy runningthis show insists on me doin it a few times a week but I aint got the time. At least that's what I keep tellin him. What does he want from me. I'm just a cop. I belong on the streets. Like Vic Mackey. But don't compare me to that guy. He killed a cop. That dont fly strate with anyone. Especially a cop. I love that show THE SHIELD but even I have to admit that the last season and a half were pretty crappy. To much talkin and plotting. I got so confused and bored if the truth needs to be told. But the first four seasons of THE SHIELD were some of the best TV I seen in decades. And I seen a lot of TV. I mean that is before Beverly took my set. Nothing is worse than a woman scorned. Or however you say it. Anyway, I'm tired of typing. I gotta go pick Johnny up. Ever since I accidently backed over his foot, his drivings none too good. Poor kid. He ll never let me live it down.

I dont' blame him.

Gristle out.

Gristle, over. Again.

Apparently some folks like reading these blog things. I don't see why. Anyway, according to the guy runnnin this show, we need to update it more offen. So what do I say? First off, I really hate this. I aint a good typper. I only use my two fingers. It takes me forever to write out an arrest report and my captain is always on my case about my spelling and gramma. I don't know why. I told him, jus let me do my job. I'm all about solvin cases and geting scum off the street. AS much as I hate my job I really do love it. Nothing feels better than putting some low life street punk behind bars where he belongs. John and I do a pretty good job. He's a lot yonger then me so he's a little more enerjettic but together we make a pretty good team although I gotta pull back on the reins with him because he gets a little too rambunksus. Kids.

Hey guy is this enough?

Good. Okay, the guy says it is. Dam if my index finger isn't hurting. Where's my ben gay?

Gristle out.