So I made up my mind today to go on a adiet. Spring is here and I realize that I aint getting any younger. Well I didnt JUST realize it but ya know what I mean. Im just not feeling good about myself lately. How can I. I'm seriously about 50 pounds over weight. I'm not even 50 yet and I'm build almost like a retiree. That aint good for someone whos gotta chase after ciminals ona daily basis. Just last month I had to run down this guy whose been peepin in windows. I knocekd on his door for questioning becaus ewe got an anonymus call that he might be the tom. Well I'm in there not five minutes when he jsut suddenly bolts out the back window of his brownstone. So I started to give chase but I got my ass caught up in the window frame. I wasn't stuck or anyything it was just a little tight. I'm not as flexible as I used to be. Anyway when I squeezed thrrough finally I realizedthere was no way hades that I was gonna catche the perp. And I was winded just getting through one window. Truth be told, I get winded just tying my shoes sometimes, especaiilly if its the day after I ate a big meal.
Thats why I'm glad I have John for a partner. He may not have much goin for him upstairs but he's as fast a s freakin cheetah. Anytime we're in pursuit of some lowlife, nine times outta 10 Johnnie will run em down. He's THAT fast! Hes just amazing. I' mean youd expect that from some top notch athlete ins perfect shape but Johnnie dont' even eat 2 healthy squares a day. Some of his meals consist of only beef jerky and sunflower seeds.! Although he does drink a lot of milk, but it's all HOLE milk.
Go figure. Some people got it and some don't. Like me. i don't . I never had it exceppt for when I was in the academy. You had to be in tip top shape to make it through that. But my whole life I was always kinda big-boned. You know husky. I was born 9 and a half pounds. Not that thats a excuse for being in the shape I'm in now but theres some sorta history there. Right?
So that s why I'm startin my diet. I dont' know how I'll do. Im not lke the glamorus salad eating bottled water drinkin kinda cops you see on tv with there fansy ray ban sunglasses and silk shirts.. Im the kinda cop who wears cordoroy, likes a good steak and a cold beer and who has to wear contact lenses that correct for a stigmatism.
Anyway ... I gotta try to diet. Even if it kills me.
Funny how you cant spell diet without die in it.
--Gristle out
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