Movers, shakers and breakfast with the Quakers

So the diet's goin' real good. I'm down about 8 pounds total and I caught another punk trying to doged me again! I tell ya I really got my groove on now. Im a movin and a shakin out there on the stretts and word is spreadin that Detectvie Gristle is now a force to be rekoned with. I tell ya I feel almost like a new man and I aint even a quarter of the way to wheres I wannt to be. But its all very encouragin. I even been hearin some chatter amongsd the fellas in the locker room.

And then Johnnie Boy said yesterday how proud he was of me. That almost brought a tear to my eye. Johannie and I may have our heated moments, but who doesnt? Any close relationship has its ups and downs. But Johnnie is my partner. And that makes him my best friend to. So it means a lot to me. I still can't beat him in afoot race. Hes fast as lightniing. Then again he only ways like a buck forty.

So I been eatin okay on this diet. Dinner is the hardest meal cause I gotta eat hours before I sleep. No snacks. Thats the toughest. Breakfast is okay. i eat some egg whites and a 1/2 a cuppa oatmeal which I sort of like but I tell ya its almost impossible to cook those Quaker oats all the way throughh. IYou jus cant soften those things no matter what. Kinda like my last ex wife. Heh heh.

Sorry to bore ya with this update.

—Gristle out

Who's THEY

They say that your body chnges every 7 years. What theyydont say is that its for the worse. Not better. Well ol Terry Gristle is trying to change all that. You see its been about 7 eyars since I last tried a diet. An it was none too successfull. Back then I borrowed those Billy Blanks fitness tapes from the library. They sucked. I almost died doin it. But that was my own fault. I was drinkin way too much in those days and eating nothin but junk. You cant excersise with a hangover and heart burn. Believe me I know.

Well I been dietin real good this last 2 weeks and I been down and then up a little each day. One day Id be down about 2 pounds and the next up 1. Im not paniking though. Whever I get down about how my fitness rootine is goin I turn to my ol mentor book, BODY BY JAKE.



It's a classic. And I love that big palooka. Hes real. And hes lojical.

So I'm down about 6 or 7 pounds and I couldnt be happier. Well I COULD. I could be down 40 pounds but one step atta time right? Anyway Im still countin my calories and doin real good. I got mey moments when the cravin takes over and admiteddly Im eatin too many carbs to combat it. But at least they been good ones and not bad food.

Anyway I found this other book at the library the other day when I was in the fitness biografy secktion. Its preetty hilariouss. Check it out if you can find it.


And when youre perusin the pictures, picture ol' Terry Gristles head on that body. hhilarious right?!?

--Gristle out

Lifes not fair ... for the fat

...or the good. That's just the way it is. And if you are good and fat (or just good n fat) theyn you are proably screwed. But let me just tell you that they are some brite moments. Last night I was chasin down some low level smack pusher. Some young kid. i was on my own cause Johnnie broke his hand punchin a pole. His knuckel sanwithc was meant for my skull but he missd cause he was pissed.

Anyway like I said I was alone. Well this punk thought he could outrun me--and on any other day of thewee he coulda--but I been dietin and well I guess its startin to show cause I caught up to him as he tried scalin a fence inna alley. Normally I cant get a qwarter the way up but somehow I shot up to the top like a cat just as he was begining to throw his leg over the top and I grabbed his belt and hauled em down tot the pavement. He smacked his head on dumpster and was out cold. It was amazin. Dont worry the little shit lived. But this was a 10 foot fense!!! I felt 18 again.

So needless to say I'm feelin real happy with this new and improoved Terry Gristle. Its like I got scrubbin bubbels!

--Gristle out

You know what really socks? Socks.

You knwo what I hate about wearin socks? Gettin all tha lint stuck under your toenails. Now I aint pretty boy but I keep em trimmed pretty good. --ever since my second wife told me how disgustign my feet looked in sandals. I guess thats why I took to wearin socks with my sandals. Anyway the dam lint ... you can only trim your toenails so much before you scrape the raw part unde the nail You know what Im talkin bout, the part that gives you the willies when tocuuhed because its never been expossed to air or nothin. Im shudderin just thinkin about it....

The way to Terry's heart is through his stomach....

So after eating my weight in steaks the other night Im back on the wagon. The weight watchin wagon I mean. I was doin real good too. I actually lost about 3 pounds until my debackel at the Sizzler. God that place does it to me every time. Ijust love steak so mcuh taht if I COULD, I would marry the meat--and thats comin from a guy whos got 4 failed marrieages, heartburn and a bum ticker.

My 2nd Video Diary

Technicly its my thrid but number 2 didnt go throough. So here it is.



Dam you Sizzler.

All good in the hood

Las night i went for a walk around the neighborhood after eatin a dinner that consisted of a mixed nuked veggies on a rap with a slice of cheese. The rap was pretty good considerin I didnt slather it with butter. I gotta say this diet is killin me but not as bad as I tthought. Right now its not that I'm starvin. Iactually DO feel full its all pretty much mental. Being a cop in the big city, youre always walkin by places that smell so good. Delis, bodegas, fast food joints, restaraunts, HOT DOG VENDORS! Oh man how I lvoe my NYC dirty water dogs. Hot and steamy covered with mustard, onions, sour krout....
Crap. I'm freakin droolin.

Anyway, as you can see, its hard sometimes but I been good. I been makin my own lunch and brekfast and writin every calory down. Keepin em under 1900! 1900!!! I used to eat that in just one meal sometimes. I useta drink but I hadda stop. Drinkins what ended my last 2 marriages. Thats when I started puttin on the pounds. Hittin the cop bars afeter hours. Headin to the firehouses with the Bravest to chow down on cheesy chilli and whatnot. I was outta control for awhile. After I stoped with the booze I kept eatin to fill the void. The void made by one bad marriage after another and my refusal to drown my sorrows in drink. I'm not saying I coulda made better choices. who couldnt? But I'm tryin now.

Summer is fast approachhing and while I aint gonna be caaught shirtless in a bikiinie Id like to at least walk down the Coney Island board walk without sweat develpin under my boobs. That's fine and dandy when youre a lady but when your some older guy....

So I ended my eve hoofin it around the hood last night an d I have to say I aint sorry I missed some of the Yankee game. It was a beautiufl nite and everbody was out. I jsut pluggd some Sinatra into my walkman and let ol' blue eyes start leadin me to brighter skies.

--Gristle out

Die(t) Hard 2

Whats that you say? Havent heard from me in a couple a days? Well I been on that diet I was telling you about. And its going pretty good so far. I'm down a pound ana half or so. And while it aint too hard it also aint too easy. See in my line a work, you kinda get used to grabbin what you can WHEN you can and chowin down in some iffy places.

Things were a lot easier when I was married. At least the first 2 times. I was alot stabler. Back then I was just a regular flatfoot doin my job, workin my shift and getting home to the wife. I'd ate a lot better then because I was young and in love but things change as you get older and they dont get much better onces you start wroking as a dick.

Anyway this diet I'm on is basiacally a countin caloriey diet. Im tryin real hard to do it right this time. Keepin my cals at about 1600 and the fat under 40 grams. I tell ya it shte nights thats the hardest.When everything is quiety and no ones around. You get alittle bored. A little lonesom. A little hungry. I start cravin EVERYTHIGN at that point. I know I should just go to bed but I'm up. So I try an ddrink a glass of water to sashiate my hunger. Problem is I gotta wake up and pee in the middle o f the night thatnks to that oh so satisfying glass of h2OH.

Man I wish I were skinny. Like Johnny boy. He dont eat nothin but junk and drink nothin but pepsis and milk. Sometimes Yoohoo. But thats about it. And that boy loves White Castles. Then again so do I. man do I love em. I really really really love em. Ir eally really do....

Crap. Now I gotta go drink a glass a water....

Stupid diet.

--Gristle out

DIE(t) HARD

So I made up my mind today to go on a adiet. Spring is here and I realize that I aint getting any younger. Well I didnt JUST realize it but ya know what I mean. Im just not feeling good about myself lately. How can I. I'm seriously about 50 pounds over weight. I'm not even 50 yet and I'm build almost like a retiree. That aint good for someone whos gotta chase after ciminals ona daily basis. Just last month I had to run down this guy whose been peepin in windows. I knocekd on his door for questioning becaus ewe got an anonymus call that he might be the tom. Well I'm in there not five minutes when he jsut suddenly bolts out the back window of his brownstone. So I started to give chase but I got my ass caught up in the window frame. I wasn't stuck or anyything it was just a little tight. I'm not as flexible as I used to be. Anyway when I squeezed thrrough finally I realizedthere was no way hades that I was gonna catche the perp. And I was winded just getting through one window. Truth be told, I get winded just tying my shoes sometimes, especaiilly if its the day after I ate a big meal.

Thats why I'm glad I have John for a partner. He may not have much goin for him upstairs but he's as fast a s freakin cheetah. Anytime we're in pursuit of some lowlife, nine times outta 10 Johnnie will run em down. He's THAT fast! Hes just amazing. I' mean youd expect that from some top notch athlete ins perfect shape but Johnnie dont' even eat 2 healthy squares a day. Some of his meals consist of only beef jerky and sunflower seeds.! Although he does drink a lot of milk, but it's all HOLE milk.

Go figure. Some people got it and some don't. Like me. i don't . I never had it exceppt for when I was in the academy. You had to be in tip top shape to make it through that. But my whole life I was always kinda big-boned. You know husky. I was born 9 and a half pounds. Not that thats a excuse for being in the shape I'm in now but theres some sorta history there. Right?

So that s why I'm startin my diet. I dont' know how I'll do. Im not lke the glamorus salad eating bottled water drinkin kinda cops you see on tv with there fansy ray ban sunglasses and silk shirts.. Im the kinda cop who wears cordoroy, likes a good steak and a cold beer and who has to wear contact lenses that correct for a stigmatism.

Anyway ... I gotta try to diet. Even if it kills me.

Funny how you cant spell diet without die in it.

--Gristle out

Stake and Potatoes

I dont have time to write much or antything much to say for that matter. I gotta pull an all niter tonight. A stake out with Johnny boy. Im sure you've seen stakeouts on t.v. and they look pretty exceiting at times but theyre not. theyre really boring. Its jsut you and your partner sitting by a window with with a telescope or binoclars with the shades prettty much closed. its depressing is what it is. I cant tell you who Im staking out just in case one of my readers is who I'm staking out. Are you?

Could be. After all Im noticing a bit of traffic on this blog here. I dont know who or why anoyone would come except for maybe some punk Im after trying to get a leg up on ol Terry Gristle. But maybe I'm just beign paranoid. 23 years on the force will get ya that way. Specially when you do deep cover asa much as Slender and me do. Who can ya trust?

Anyway if any one of you people readin this blog is the person I'm stalkin, then Ill figure it out. Ill try and get my sirvailliance equipment on your computer and see if your on my blog.

Alrite. I gott a go pick up John at the laundromat. Hes out of quarters and the china man that runs the joint wont let him near the change machine because the last time Johnny wne to use it it stole his dollar and he went beserk on it. Pulled out his gun and shot the thing. Use the whole clip. Then he reloaded and did it again.

Thats one of the reasones I dont let Johnny have any bullets. Just dont tell the bad guys.

Oh crap. What if one of you is the bad guys. Well F. Y. I. : I gotta shitload bullets in my gun and I'm not afraid to use it. So dont' try anything funny.

Man Im' hungry. Maybe we'l hit the Sizzler on the way over.

--Gristle out

Botched Bloggery

Somebody was askin the other day when i was gonna do antoher video journal bloggy thing and I told em soon even though I dont' knwo why anyone would care about what I have to say. AFter all I'm just a past his prime detective wrokin the beat in Nyc tryin to make a difference until I can go retire, collect me pension and soak my dogs in the warm waters of Coco Beach Florida. But we apparently live in theage of whine about everything to everr ONE so hear it is. Dont blame me its lousy.



Crap. The video wont load. Now I gotta get the guy who runs this blog to figur it out. Jimbo. Hes so darn busy makin those jimpervert comics and shirts lately that hes never around to help.

Look if your not enjoying these entrys (and why would yoube) then dont read em. No ones makin you visit this crummy thing .... unles .... someone IS makin ya. Are they? Can ya talk? Scratch your head if ya can. Oh wait I cant see you. Anyway if you CAN talk then ya gotta case. Unlawful imprisonment or somethign. Torture. I don't knwo all the facts yet but send me a mesage . In code. But nothin to complicated cause Im not current with the new strunk and white code book for cops. Plsu codes give me a migrayne.

Ya no what, dont send me code. Theyre a pain in the rump. In fact dont even contact ME. Call 911 like everybody else.

--Gristle out

Easy, Tiger

In this next entry I'd like to talk a little about current events. Mainly thouse surronding Tiger Woods. Now I'm no fan of golf but I gotta tell you I don't understand why everyon is gtetting on Tiger's back and making him apologize. Now I'm not defending him. He cheated on his wife and he should pay. He should get kicked out of his hose and have to give her half of everything. Like me. although I've given all four of my ex wives half of what I got and that means less and less for each one as they go down the pike. Or is it pipe?

Anyway ... what Im tryin to say is that what happens between a guy and his gal is no bodys business but theres. SO what if he's a celebritty. He dam well shouldnt have to get on tv and apologize over and over again. America has a sick fasination with watching the misery of others. What do the germans call it? Sour krowd? Schizen Freud? Whatever. All those stupid talbloid shows and reality programs and gossip rags have turned this country to pot. Get a life America.

And dont go tryin to say he is a sex addict. The media and the marketers and the P.R. folk love to thwor their stars into some kinda clinic or rehab in order to fake makin the problem way out of their control because they gotta problem. Let me tell you, you make any man in this world famus and hav e gorgeous gals throw themselves at you all day, thta guys gonna cheat eventraully. You can say no one, two, three, maybe forty times, but at some point a fellas gonna crack. Now I aint ever cracked because I aint ever had no one throw themselves at me. Except for those on crack. But that don't count. Cracked out hoes will do anything for a their next hit.

What the heck was I sayin? What Im saying is this:
Tiger cheated and should lose half his crap.
The media should shut the hell up.
And everyone quote un quote RIVETED with this whole spectacle should get some class.

Sorry. i'm just really grumpy today. Woke up with a stiff neck again. accidently shot my pillow the other night in my sleep. I keep my gun under there and it sorta went off. No it wasnt a suicide attemtp. I bummed a little but not THAT bummed. Anyway...

--Gristle out

Old Dog? Meet New Tricks....

So my first video diary was a bust. I had my finger on the lens practically the whole time. Im sure a lot of you out there though ti was on purpose but it wasn't. Its kind of funny when you thinka bout it. sorta reno 911 ish. Yeah I watch that show. Its hilsrious. Especially the gay one in shorts. That Dangle guy. Alotta cops I know wouldnt'find that guy funny because they pretty homofobic not that Im in love with em either. While I don't liek the super fruits, I persoanlly think they should be allowed to to live the way they want to live. You know live and let live. I evn thnk they should be allowed to get married. Why not? Why shouldnt they be aloowed to be as miserable as me. Ha ha. But seriously folks, what harm is 2 guys getting married doing to the anyone else. Love is love. Nobody chooses who theyre gonna love. Believe me. Whos to say who should and cant get married. That a man HAS to marry a woman. I been married 4 times already to women and look wher its got me? Livin in a crappy studio apartment in Brooklyn sleepin in a Murphy bed I don't even bother puttin back up into the wall. If you ask me women and men go together about as well as ... well I don no. they jsut dont always fit. Emotionally that is. Physicaly. Thats another story.

My luck with women is nothin but bad luck. Maybe ol Terry Gristle outta consider a man the next time around. Ha ha. Er. Thats a joke. Don't let the boys on the force hear me sayin that. they'll neve rlet me live it down.And just for the record, I like women. Always hvae alwyas will.

--Gristle out

P.S. Good for you Ricky Martin. Now go live your life la vidda loca. But not to loca otherwise I gotta lock ya up....